What to wear when people are coming over for dinner

Or "how to make an effort without intimidating yourself or others".

We are enthusiastic havers-of-people-over. Alison Roman described the vibe in the introduction to Nothing Fancy (one of the best cooking-for-many cookbooks around):

“I have always been allergic to the word ‘entertaining’’… But having people over? Well, that's just making dinner, but you know, with more people. Unfussy food, unfussy vibes and the permission to be imperfect, no occasion necessary (other than to eat, of course).”

The essence of ‘having people over’, in the sense I want to talk about, is that it’s a casual, achievable thing anyone might do in a normal weekend. The guests are family or close friends, and expectations are low. Nevertheless, with the shoulder of lamb in the oven and people coming ‘anytime from 5’, at some point you’re going to have to consider what to wear. I’m generally lying on the couch, wondering if I can leave on the clothes I’ve been in all day, with marinade dotted on the pants (what? It’s casual!); while dealing with a feeling that I should try slightly harder, and that choosing an outfit is actually going to be required.

So what is appropriate dress for having folks over on a Saturday for dips, freezer martinis and a shoulder of lamb? Welp. I believe the approach to getting dressed should echo the approach to dinner - effortful to an extent, but with effort expended economically on what counts. Here are 4 rules that can serve as a guide:

Low effort isn’t no effort

Rule No 1: Put on something fresh

Alison Roman is against the idea that dinner is a “show” - but I am a believer that the whole of life is a show - like it or not, and “dinner at ours” is no different. We can set the dials wherever we want them of course but elements of presentation affect the mood. I don’t know who needs to hear this (me last Saturday) but the mood you’re going for is casual and homely, not actual hot mess. So change anything with food stains and probably anything you’ve slept in. Wear something fresh - even if it’s just a clean shirt. Right. That was easy. Now let’s move on…

Rule No 2: Dress as if you were coming over too.

Ok, so. You are in your own home, where you might have even been the whole day. Pyjamas feel ok to you. But your guests have fought the “my god, why did we say yes to dinner tonight” feeling, struggled into hard clothes (my post-pandemic word for things with waistbands), negotiated weather and transport and arrived in your space. You’re going to have to meet them - spiritually I mean - so it’s best if you look like you’ve come over too. You don’t need to look like you’ve travelled as such, but you need to project a mindset that understands that your space has shifted. Even if you have simply moved from your bedroom to the new shared environment of the lounge, you must change states of mind. Dress like it.

Rule No 3: Be at least as decorative as your table

I believe some effort is called for in terms of personal decoration when having people over. People have exerted themselves to come, and if there was any joy at all in that labour, it was in the expectation that the evening would be entertaining. What you have on is part of the entertainment.

A good place to pitch the level of entertainment in terms of your outfit, is what you’ve done with the house / table. If it’s dinner on laps watching football - that’s another story, and frankly one that probably ends after Rule 2. But if there are napkins, some candles or a little jar of flowers, you too need some decorations. Wearing something new, or weird, or especially flattering or whatever, might be the start of a whole conversation. See what you can do in terms of giving people something to discuss.

My go-tos for decorative elements are flat shoes with a twist, costume jewellery (easy glamour, looks good with sweats) and I do actually put on makeup. If you wear make up when you go out, having people over is a makeup occasion.

Rule No 4: Be comfortable

You are actually in your own home, so the French approach would be to acknowledge that sartorially, while respecting that the mode has changed (see Rule 2). Don’t get me wrong - I personally love a full-on dinner party at my house, where my preference is to wear an evening gown. But on occasions where you’ve pitched a relaxed atmosphere to your guests, you can only deliver it if you feel relaxed - and being physically and psychically comfortable is part of that. Dress for the mood you want to be in. Your heart will follow.

The key to complying with Rule 4, while also doing Rule 3, is soft dresses, elevated loungewear and lovely flats. I will explain.

What I wore - broken down

Ok, so this is what I wore when we had family over on Saturday night (6 adults, 5 kids, lamb shoulder, salads, and a birthday cake). All rules were followed.

Upscale leisure wear

In the struggle to get out of pre-warmed but marinade-stained jeans (it is the last month of winter here in Australia and I’m cold) I chose my current favourite pants - the fancy trackie . These ones are from Tibi - which btw, has the most amazing selection of elevated joggers. They come in various fabrics from the athletic knit of these ones (like 70s Adidas track pants, but nicer), to lightweight wool, to a crunchy Italian nylon. I have worn these Scottie joggers daily since they arrived. They are comfortable and fleecy enough for WFH in winter, but if you put on a heel, they are sufficiently beautiful - due to the quality of the fabric, the cut and the details (see the front seam?) - to wear out to a party. Here they three different ways: Errands and a work coffee; drinks party; and plane trip. This type of pant can do everything. Apols for blobby photographs. Video here:

Another good choice for bottoms when having people over, are palazzo pants. A high waist and wide legs suits everyone. Satin is lovely in winter. These are gorgeous. These and these are good too. Gucci also famously does silk pants - look on Vestiaire, the RealReal and Ebay. Linen is lovely the warmer months. Also check Etsy - this is what came up in a quick search, along with a stack of vintage and independent designer pieces.

Studio Amelia palazzo pants

Good to wear an apron when cooking in satin btw. I like these.

My top is nothing special here because the pants were the starting point and the star. I needed comfortable and warm so I went with a contrasting texture (chunky wool knit over the tech knit) and tone (country gent up top, 80s Bruce Jenner below). It was fine. An oversize shirt would have been an option if it was warmer (the proportion makes it decorative without needing anything else). Track pants definitely need some tonal elevation for a party. Even a fancy sweatshirt would have brought the pants down vibe-wise, and I needed to comply with rules 2 and 3.

Oversized shirts inspo.

Shoes

Now, I don’t want to say that the sandals I wore were a failure, but they were more what I had, than what I was dreaming of. They were an elevated basic in the same colour as the top so - clear sign of effort. I’d also bought them for $90 at the Bassike sale so that was a talking point. But if I’d had my druthers, I would have worn the queen of at-home entertaining wear: the embellished flat slipper. The refined slipper is another item of apparel born in long lockdowns, and that I now consider essential in a post-Covid lifestyle.

My all-time favourite shoe for going to someone’s home for cocktails is the Roger Vivier crystal flat mule.

I don’t actually own a pair of these, but I do dream about them and they are an object of inspiration. Vivier also does a schlubby version that has a different kind of charm. The Manolo Blahnik x Birkenstock style are hilarious (in a good way) if Birkenstocks are more your mode, and you can wear some nice socks or stockings with them - something like them - too. Check Vestiaire and TRR for second hand, and there are all sorts of dupes of course littering the internet. Here’s Leandra Cohen recently in the Manolo-Birks.

I’m also crazy about velvet slippers. Vibi Venezia do a version that became a cult hit, based on the shoes Venetian gondoliers wear

There are also fabulous embroidered Chinese slippers on EBay or Amazon, and versions of the Venetian shoe in silk and velvet on Etsy. I’ve just bought myself some red velvet mary-janes by Vibi for the next having-people-over occasion, and to open the door for the courier man when I’m working from home.

Accessories

I wore my birthday earrings because they are pretty and being only a few weeks old, they are delightful to me. If you want to be in a good mood, always have on at least one thing that sparks joy. I leaned more heavily on the bangles aesthetically. I am devoted to bangles. In my opinion they are the easiest glamouriser there is, and are therefore perfect for entertaining at home. Here are some times I’ve worn bangles:

But sure. Bangles aren’t everyone’s jam, so choose any kind of decorative flourish you’re inclined to . A necklace or some earrings, fancy hair pins, a scarf tied in a head band maybe. The only requirement is that you make an effort to decorate yourself, no less than you’ve done your table - so there is something pleasing and entertaining for you guests eyes’ to fall upon when they ask you if they can put out the dips for you.

And finally - a word about nail polish . I don’t enjoy the process of putting makeup on and tend not to wear it without a good reason. Especially during the day. But in winter, I like to indulge in a gel manicure - because what you lack in sun tan and humidified glow you can make up for with a flash of red fingernails. Painted nails make you feel “dressed”, without any effort at all, and I recommend them.